Rock Your Confidence: Abused but Standing
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MEET HER
Before I met evil, I was a lot of things. I was happy and confident. Smart and funny. A single mom of two. I was independent. I was artistic. I was a beautiful and strong woman. I loved life and had never been afraid of it.
Meeting evil changed all of that.
HER STORY
The romance started to become distorted almost right away. Jekyll and Hyde. I started making excuses for his behavior:
“He’s young.”
“He came from an abusive family.”
“He has anger problems.”
“He’s insecure.”
My dismantling started small. Barely recognizable. Evil works that way. Evil takes one small thing away from you at a time. Evil isolates slowly. Evil chips at your confidence. Evil will make you question everything you ever believed about life or about yourself.
Confuse. Distract. Instill fear. Love bomb. Repeat.
You gradually lose all footing.
As the years went by and after the arrival of two beautiful babies, it became clear that something was wrong. I couldn’t give it a name. Love making became painful. Conversation riddled with hurt. The sense that I could do nothing right was palpable.
I found myself lost in a fog of fear, of anger, of resentment. Depression and anxiety followed me constantly. I became afraid to leave the house. I became afraid of everything. Evil had drained me completely of life and love.
I was gone.
I was allowed to speak to only one friend. My best friend since I was twelve. She was the first to call it what it was. “You are being ABUSED and so are your children.”
I had a name for it and I clung to its name. He noticed. Shit got real. He knew that I knew. The time was up.
I was so scared. How do I leave? Can I be a single mom to four children? Will he kill me? Will his family? My anxiety kept me stuck inside. How would I ever escape if I couldn’t even leave my front door?
Evil decided to give me the push I needed. Literally. Pushing me into a wall. Over and over again. My head knocking into the wall with every push. With that final push, that the officers witnessed, I knew I was free.
He was arrested that night. Finally I started packing and called my mom.
THE LESSON
After evil, I am changed. A part of me is still that girl I was before. I did have to go looking for her. She was hidden as far away as possible. It’s taken time to coax her back out. Now, she has wings.
I am reborn a warrior. This life will never look the same. It is much more precious now; more loving, patient, and kind. The lightness in my vulnerability screams so loud. I am a phoenix.
BE INSPIRED
Please understand that the hardest step was leaving. I was terrified.
Leave. Take one step, just one. You can. I know you can. I am the friend you are allowed to call. And I am telling you that you are being abused. I’m giving you that word. Don’t wait for the final push.
There is light and love on the other side of abuse. And it is MAGNIFICENT.
Take my hand. Let’s go.
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