(This post is made possible with support from the American Academy of Pediatrics through a cooperative agreement with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. All opinions are my own.)

I am the oldest of my siblings. Because of our large age gap (10 & 11 years!), I've always felt obligated to protect & support them.

My sister & I were especially close growing up. Girls have to stick together. That takes no love away from my brother, but I know the problems girls face. I’ve never wanted her to feel alone.

Looking Back

Our childhood years had their share of challenges. I was too young to know how best to support my siblings, but I made it my mission to shield them from surrounding adult chaos. 

Growing up, our family was very tight-knit. Even our extended family lived nearby. Therefore any arising issues, especially tough ones, affected us all.

Adverse childhood experiences (or ACEs) are defined as potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood. The 10 ACEs fall into 3 categories:

1) Abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual)

2) Neglect (physical or emotional) 

3) Household dysfunction (mental illness, domestic violence, divorce, incarcerated relative, substance abuse) 

As an adult, I know many of the things we witnessed back then weren't child-appropriate. There were problems we should've been shielded from. Instead, we also felt the brunt of those issues. 

Let me be clear… we were definitely loved by our parents & family members. However, being an adult doesn't mean you have it all together. While I’m not making excuses for anyone, life is notorious for being messy and having a myriad of challenges.

A Support System

During those tough times, what helped me through them was my support system. I was fortunate to have someone to call; usually an aunt or a friend. Or, I'd turn to spiritual TV shows. I loved listening to televangelists. The internet wasn’t a thing, so the convenience of websites didn’t yet exist.

Having a support system is paramount at any age but especially for children. I remember how comforting it felt to know I wasn’t alone. Those people may not have understood exactly how I felt but I could depend on them to encourage me & calm my fears.

Support in childhood taught me the importance of having a trusted few in adulthood. I recommend having three people or resources to turn to if possible. That could be a friend, neighbor, pastor, counselor, support group, or even an organization.

When things get tough, those people & resources will help get you through. They're what helped me survive so much of what I faced. I was a support for my siblings, but I needed support as well. I’ll forever be grateful for that!

Holiday Reminders

We’ve all overcome many, many obstacles in 2020. As a result, I’ve been thinking of holiday gifts to remind my children of my love & support. Something that’ll remind them daily of my presence, if they need me. My goal is to continue creating a loving & accepting environment for them. A place they always associate with security & positivity.

While doing research, many gift ideas presented themselves. However, I think I’m leaning more towards something like a bracelet or stuffed animal with a supportive message. I want the gift to be an item they’ll use and see regularly.

Inexpensive reminder gifts are perfect for the holidays. You also don’t have to purchase anything. Make a card, write a poem, get crafty, or simply send a letter. Every bit counts.

I’ve made a personal pledge to be a part of my children’s & my niece’s “three.” My niece is only two years old but she’ll understand more as she gets older. It’s an honor to be one of their support go-tos.

We can all do our part to be there for one another; to be a support in someone’s life. I think that’s especially important this year. How will you “be the three” this holiday season & help build safe, stable, & nurturing relationships and environments?

*To learn more about ACEs, see the information & links below*

Feeling Overwhelmed with Parenting Demands?

When Things Aren’t Perfect: Caring For Yourself & Your Children